The Writing Retreat: Take Two

60,000 words has come and gone. Will this actually be a novel? Will I even finish Book Three? A well-timed Writing Retreat might just make all the difference . . .

Beautiful Park City, Utah

Our Writing Retreat last year helped me finalize Midnight Sisters for publishing this year. It was also one of the best weekends I had last summer. Fun, interesting, and just busy enough. So this year when the girls asked if I wanted to participate, I jumped right in. I had reached 50,000 words in my current WIP, which is the length Becoming Beauty weighed in at, and I had also reached a critical point where I wasn't sure what to do next.

Mermaid tails keep toes warm. It's true.

As you may know, I'm not a planner. Well, there are times that being a pantser really leaves me in the lurch. And this was one of them. I'd been adding 10,000 words a week throughout July and had more than doubled the length of my novel. I planned to add as much as I could during our Writing Retreat and then browse the manuscript from the beginning for ideas of how to reach the end. I put in about two days writing and added about 5,000 words and gained some direction at last.

Yep. I finally know how I'm getting to the end! And if it took a lot of snacks, ice water on standby, a couple of pool and hot tub hours, and countless quiet writing hours, I'm glad to do it! Our Park City weekend also included evenings on the town and a Saturday shopping spree at the outlets. If you haven't figured it out, I love ALL of those things.

Book Three will probably take another year to complete, edit, and polish but it's much closer to the finish line than before Writing Retreat 2017. Carry on, my writerly friends, and remember that there's power, inspiration, and strength in numbers. Also, geekiness.

Humor & Inspiration: All The Best Jokes

Jenniffer Wardell:
Author, blogger, Fairytale Aficionado

You know when you think the train has passed but it just keeps going instead? Well, I wrapped up the Humor & Inspiration Features and began preparing my sum-up post when I received Jenniffer Wardell's email. So, meet our surprise caboose!

Earlier this year, Jenniffer approached me about featuring her new release Dreamless. And since it's a fairytale romance I couldn't be more pleased to introduce it (and her) to you! FYI Jenniffer is an author, blogger, and fairytale writer. A huge thanks to JoAnn Schneider for connecting Jenniffer and me. I have a feeling we're going to have a gooooood time! (And Dreamless is already on my TBR list!)

* * *

Life is pretty funny.

How it's funny, of course, depends on circumstances. Sometimes it's slapstick comedy, a whole routine that unfolds while you're trying to get ready for work in the morning, wash a dog, or find your keys. Sometimes it's satire, something so absurd a part of you is amazed it's actually happening (the current presidential election is a good example of this). Sometimes it's a sly, carefully executed joke, a subtle plan that you get to watch unfold with a smile. And sometimes, it's one of those days where you laugh because the only other option is to hit something.

It's one of the things I love most about life, how even when things seem to be at their worst there will be some small thing that will always come along and make me laugh. Even if it's just me, laughing at how melodramatic my despairing thoughts have gotten, there's always a moment that breaks through the bubble of stress or sadness and lets in just a little bit of light. It's not terribly dignified, no – humor works best when you're not trying to hold onto your pride – but it's enough to keep me going. 

 

I look for that humor in stories just as much as I do in life, and even when I can't find it I know it must just be lurking around a corner somewhere. If my utterly average, mundane world is enough to keep me entertained, then your average fictional world must be absolutely bubbling with it. Imagine a knight without enough time to get ready in the morning, tripping over a bucket and waking up the entire castle as he crashes to the ground with a metallic clang. Or a witch who just needs one, simple little ingredient for this very important spell, but the only place she can get it is from her neighbor who's held a decade-long grudge over a cookie exchange that went horribly, horribly wrong.

Those are the stories I always wanted to hear about. There are plenty of books about dignified heroes doing serious, important things, and many of them tell very good stories. But I wanted the characters who knew what it was like to embarrass themselves in front of the worst possible person and somehow survive the experience, or have to do battle with something as mundane as paperwork or not being able to find a spot to park their horse.

(Speaking of horses, can you imagine what it would be like having to go into work on something that can actually argue with you? And literally throw you onto the road if you annoy it too much?)

So when I couldn't find the stories, I wrote them. Because if life can be funny, then fiction should be, too.

* * * 

Jenniffer Wardell is a fantasy author and general fairy godmother-at-large. She's always on the lookout for witty dialogue and a well-earned happily-ever after.

Jenniffer Wardell's Blog

Facebook Author Page

Jenniffer's Twitter Page

* * *

A word about Dreamless, Jenniffer's newest release:

For most princesses, a sleeping curse means a few inconvenient weeks unconscious followed by a happily-ever-after with their true love. Seventeen-year-old Elena's curse, however, was designed without a cure, which means that she's getting a century-long nap for her 18th birthday whether she wants it or not. After years of study she's still no closer to finding a cure, even with the help of an undead godfather and an enchanted mirror-turned-therapist. With only a year until the deadline she's learned to accept her fate. Sadly, there's one prince who doesn't seem to have gotten the memo and who’s continually trying to activate the curse so he can be the one to wake her up again. Only slightly less annoying is Cam, her new bodyguard and former childhood acquaintance who disagrees with Elena at pretty much every turn. When the curse threatens to come early, however, they both realize that fate is a lot more complicated than they'd ever imagined.

Dreamless is available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

* * *

Just imagine I'd appreciate a gal who enjoys twisting fairytales...oh yeah! Thanks for dropping in, Jenniffer, and best of luck with Dreamless. Sounds amazing!

A big hug and a sloppy smooch for all my readers who've stuck with me this year. It's been such fun! Stay tuned for the promised sum-up post where I reveal the ins and outs of running author features and explain why I am definitely doing this again!

* * *

Missed one of our Humor & Inspiration featured authors? No problem! Click away my darlings and happy reading!

Lydia Thomas: No, I Won't Write Your Memoirs 

Prairie Wife in Heels: The Idyllic Country Life 

Anne Goodwin: When Words Behave Like Toddlers 

Terry Tyler: Art Inspires Life

Kaley Tallman: Abandoning the Comfort Zone

Heidi Doxey: British Book Invasion

Carol J. Hedges: So You've Published a Book...

Allison Maruska: Four Steps Away From the Cliff

Colleen M. Story: Writers with Personality

Tamara Copley: The Magic of Humor
Sarah E. Boucher: Beating the Blaaaahs

Humor & Inspiration in Writing: Beating the Blaaaaahs

Not Mary Poppins...
Practically Perfect anyway!

Hello, faithful readers! Welcome to the final installment of the Humor &Inspiration Features. Over the course of several months, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried (ish), and we’ve learned together. I have loved sharing the stage with writers, bloggers, and authors and discovering what inspires, uplifts, and keeps them going.

But today I’m taking back the reins! That’s right, it’s my turn to talk about what keeps me from calling it quits, chucking my laptop off the balcony, and heading out bar hopping dressed like a nun. (I don’t have a nun costume. Will my trusty Mary Poppins get up do?)

In case you didn’t know, I’m an educator by trade and a writer just for the fun of it. I’m equally passionate about both careers. (Also chocolate and Chris Evans. But that’s another post...) I’ve spent 13 years in the classroom and have been a writer forever. Fairytales are a special weakness of mine. I read them, watch them, write them, and freak out when they’re done well. But enough backstory, on with the show!

* * * 

My life is a beautiful mess. I won’t be brave and wax on about how I LOVE everything about my life and I NEVER have meltdowns. Because I don’t. And I do. (Imagine the big, messy, snot-faced meltdowns that make your eyes feel like sandpaper. Yep, that happens.)

And guess what? It happens to all of us!

Even Britney...

Life isn’t easy for anyone. And certainly not for writers.

Because who likes rejection? Especially rejection piled on top of rejection? It’s definitely not the group of folks who claim to be more introverted than any other group on the planet. (Except maybe hermits.) Incidentally, it’s the same introverted group (not hermits) that’s expected to peddle their wares in person. Like at book launches, signings, books sales, and other author events. Where other people will be.

Anyone else see the flaw here?

I rectify the situation (and save my sanity) by Finding the Funny in life. Like a pearl in an oyster or a rainbow after a spring shower, it's always there. Like a kindergartner in an enormous mess he created himself.

Finding the Funny in Life, Love, & Whatnot

Look for the funny in your career. My job is hysterical, annoying, and uplifting all in the same five-minute period. My students are BRILLIANT at making me bust a gut. And yes, I can’t think about my pathetic life or problematic manuscript when children are being funny in my world. It just ain’t possible, my friends. (P.S. If your working life is completely tragic and regularly makes you feel like pitching yourself off the balcony, it’s time to choose another path. Be brave. You deserve the best.)

Actual shoes. Actual kindergartner. Good times.

 Look for the funny in your love life. I never date. (Seriously, I’m THIS awesome and still on the market.) It’s probably because I find men completely baffling. But man, I have some good stories because of my itty bitty love life (or lack thereof). I choose to laugh at the crazy things that have happened rather than blubbering over what hasn't happened. (And yes, those crazy things will find a home in my novels someday. Also, Oreos are a balm to my soul.)

Boys are weird. We like them anyway.

Look for the funny in your writing life. There are always funny things about being a writer. People treat you like a weirdo, or worse, once they hear you’re a writer, they give you the “oh, I should have known” look or the “I always knew there was something off about you” look. We can be offended or choose to turn our less than savory experiences into really good books and blog posts. 

And whether it’s intentional or not, every writer has penned something completely ludicrous while trying to be lyrical. Those gems, like “her eyes rolled to the ceiling” can really lighten up a bit o’ bland writing session. Laugh and then fix it, my friends. (Please, in the name of all that is holy, fix it before I'm forced to mock you!)

My sense of humor continues to save me in the writing world. 
Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself, my friends. (Also, don't be afraid to laugh at other people and the ridiculous situations they put themselves into. Just don't do it in front of them.) And yes, keep those laptop and mobile devices from becoming airborne. You'll need them to document all the funny you find.

* * *

Sarah E Boucher:
Author, Blogger, Educator

Sarah E. Boucher is obsessed with fiction, romance, and all things fairytale. Her first novel, Becoming Beauty is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, or books & things. (And these days it's only $4.99 on Kindle!) 

Sarah's second novel, a twist on The Twelve Dancing Princesses, will be released later this year. 

Sarah can be found practically anywhere if you look hard enough!
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest

* * *

Thanks for reading my friends! It's been a pleasure to share the stage with so many gifted writers. And I plan to do it again soon. For the time being, my time will be sucked up with end-of-the-schoolyear doings and editing my second novel. Stay tuned for behind-the-scenes coverage of the self-publishing process (snippets of the photo shoot for my cover, editing gems, etc.).

If you missed any of the Humor & Inspiration Features, feel free to check them out:

Lydia Thomas: No, I Won't Write Your Memoirs 

Prairie Wife in Heels: The Idyllic Country Life 

Anne Goodwin: When Words Behave Like Toddlers 

Terry Tyler: Art Inspires Life

Kaley Tallman: Abandoning the Comfort Zone

Heidi Doxey: British Book Invasion
Carol J. Hedges: So You've Published a Book...
Allison Maruska: Four Steps Away From the Cliff

Colleen M. Story: Writers with Personality
Tamara Copley: The Magic of Humor
Jenniffer Wardell: All the Best Jokes

And a hearty thank you to all my amazing participants! You're amazing, ladies! 

The Best Friend Love Story

Back when we dreamed of tiaras, betrothals, and overused italics, my friends and I imagined the boys who'd court us. My friends fancied broody, romantic types. I vowed to marry my best friend. 

Courtesy of unsplash.com

In literature and on the big screen, the Best Friend Love Story skips the awkward getting-to-know-you season (really, who wants that?) and drops the reader into the best friend relationship. It allows for witty dialogue, inside jokes, and shared experiences that wouldn't be plausible otherwise. It's the Monica and Chandler of relationships, where conversation is more like a tennis match.

Awwww...the Bings!

For me, the hook is the transformation of that friendship into a bonafide romance. Maybe the female sees his manly physique and brilliant mind in a new light. Maybe our hero realizes that date after date ends with him going home to her. As they recognize their true feelings and face the questions, “Will I lose him?” or “Will she hate me?”every hint of closeness, every thrown away word, and every casual caress is brought under inspection.

I love that! 

It's the push and pull between Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe. It's the tie binding Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester that threatens to snap with too much distance. It's the reason movies like Made of Honor and My Best Friend's Wedding are so much fun. And it's why Always Will is my new favorite book.

This calls for a #BookSelfie!

Author Melanie Jacobson has a flair for creating relatable female leads. Until now, sassy Pepper Spicer was my favorite, with girl next door Lia Carswell as a close second. But conniving Hannah Becker takes the cake! She has all the sass of Pepper Spicer and depth not unlike Lia Carswell. Despite Hannah's attempts to squelch it, her attraction to her brother's best friend Will Hallerman has only grown. But he refuses to see her as the woman she has become. And he keeps giving her noogies. Blech.

Will Hallerman has finally had enough of the dating world. He's ready to find a wife and settle down. This announcement is catastrophic in Hannah Becker's world. After knowing Will her entire life and adoring him from afar since junior high school, she realizes her chance at love with him is in grave danger. 

Hannah's problem? To Will, she will never be more than his best friend's little sister. Determined to open his eyes to her charms, Hannah sets out to sabotage Will's wife hunt by placing nightmare dates in his path and taking his search on a wild goose chase. Her plan is risky, but she's willing to take a chance to catch the eye of her soul mate. (Source: Amazon)

See what I mean? Compelling stuff! I swayed between wanting to a) punch Will in the face or b) pin him to the wall and smooch him to pieces. Now if only I can find someone worth playing dirty for...

Never fear, dear readers, I'm on it!

If you'd like to learn more about Melanie Jacobson or any or her books, visit her on Amazon or Facebook, or click on any of the links embedded above to read my reviews and/or purchase her novels. Happy reading!

Need another book recommendation?
The Masculine Mystique 
A Proper Romance 
Confessions of an Austen Addict 
Book Hangover 
Author, Ninja, Fangirl 
Persuaded 
Tragically Flawed or Not

Thanks for dropping by! Feel free to share your favorite Best Friend Romances below. I love to pick up something new! 

Business as Usual (More or Less)

Summer is over. Business as usual will commence.

However, only if you address any of the following concerns on a weekly basis will you understand what usual means in my life:

• I want my mommmmmyyyyyy!
• I have to go to the bathroom!
• I can't get my pants [please select one or more: on/off, up/down, buttoned/unbuttoned].
• I had an accident. (A wet/messy accident.)
• I want the [please select one: green, blue, purple, yellow, pink, polka dotted] one!
• It's MY turn!
• He/she took my [please select one: toy, book, pencil, marker, will to live].
• Is it time to go home yet?

Those of you who work in an office setting are probably unfamiliar with the above situations. (I hope anyway.) But they're a part of business as usual in kindergarten land. Once again I'm jumping into the land of kids who look too small, only sort of know about being in school, and who yes, miss their mommies. (It's okay kids, sometimes I miss my mommy too.)

All of us deal with a myriad of issues in the work world. Even work-at-home folks have to preserve their sanity. So, let's make a deal. I'm going to list several Work Survival Techniques, and we'll all do our best to comply in our own way. What do you say?

Laugh daily. This won't be hard in my line of work. The kids ALWAYS learn what tickles my funny bone and they produce it regularly. It's a talent of little people. If you need a laugh, message me. I'll be saving up funnies for you.

Find time for yourself. I'm still trying to find time for that pedicure. One week to move into the classroom and set everything up makes the timeline really tight. But mark my words, I'll make time for pampering and M&M moments.

Enjoy what you do. Or find something else to do. This is probably the MOST important one. We've all worked grunt jobs. They take a toll on your well-being as well as your ego. Here's what I have to say about that: Get out. Move on and move up in the world. There is always something else you can do. (And yes, I did play Weekend Manager at Arby's myself for a year. But only for one!)

Keep making friends. Friends are what makes the grunt jobs and bad days in your chosen career bearable. I'm still missing my kindergarten team from my previous school. They made all the crazy liveable. But missing them won't stop me from connecting with the amazing people I'm rubbing elbows with now. I know that soon we will be each others' lifelines. I love that.

Carry on, my dears. And hey, if all else fails, leave me a comment and tell me about your horrible business as usual and how you cope. I promise to commiserate!

Author On Vacation

On the airport shuttle a couple asked if anyone was headed anywhere amazing. My exuberant “Baltimore!”earned me some funny looks and chuckles, not to mention ribbing from the driver later. But when I've been to Maryland in the past it's meant trips to DC to see fireworks, historical sites, and everything all over the Mall, or poking into itty bitty adorable shops in Frederick, exploring cool pastoral scenes, and doing lots of laughing with my best friend Misty Pulsipher and her family. I'll be honest, I really just come for her. This year was more low-key, but we had a wonderful time together.

Hamming it up with the hooligans. Girls are dorks. Own it. I know I do! I laughed way too much with these silly girls, which was just what I needed.

Kissing cows. (It's a country girl thing.) My bestie is super obsessed with cows. And she does the duck face. A lot. It may be an indication of an actual medical condition.

Wine and paint! Even though we don't drink, we did get a little punchy. But don't cheese and grapes feel elegant, even when they're served with sparkling cider?

And celebrating Misty's birthday. Yep. We're fabulous. The cake was amazing (because my many skills include cake whispering). Chocolate Dr Pepper cake with chocolate cream cheese frosting is pretty fantastic. 

We may not have seen amazing historical sites or done anything flashy on this trip, but isn't being with cool people the best part of vacationing? My brain is already forming a game plan for Book Two (gotta get that puppy submitted!) and images, scenes, and character sketches for Book Three. That's what a good vacation does--get the juices flowing!

There will definitely be more adventures this summer. I'll keep you posted! By the way, here's a look as last year's adventures in California:

Sun, Surf, and Solace: roadtripping it to California!
Unexpected Sweetness: getting lost at Golden Gate Park.

It's Playtime: my obsession with live theater takes center stage! 

Gotta play, people. What are you doing this summer? Leave me a comment and tell me about it!

May's Shorty Short Shorts

For May (National Short Story Writing Month), my delightful Writing Group did Micro Short Stories at 250 words (I'll admit that mine is closer to 300). It was probably one of most fun get-togethers ever, including dinner and shakes at Johnny Rockets and a trip to the theater to see Pitch Perfect 2. (That's right, we're professionals, people!) I presented the first three Micro Short Stories--a silly, snarky trio--in my last post May is For Micro Shorts. These are the remaining three, which include my submission.

Meg Zerkle

The text message simply said, Very clever.

I smiled. If only he knew.

I wondered what he’d found. The shirts with the sleeves sewn shut? Maybe the snake in his sock drawer? I was sure it wasn’t the mouse in his boots. He wouldn’t be amused by that one.

Can we talk?

Fat chance. But, I had to admit he was persistent.

I uncapped the Sharpie and picked up the first photo album. This was going to be fun. A moustache here, a beard there, and lots of large, black Xs. Those were my favorite. Even the pungent smell of the ink was pleasurable. I couldn’t stop smiling.

My phone rang a few times, but I ignored it. I was enjoying myself far too much to stop now.

It wasn’t what it looked like!

Ha! Just for a moment, I lost it and threw a handy vase at the wall. Luckily, my aim sucks and it sailed harmlessly through the doorway and bounced to a stop on my bed.  Deep breath. Anger isn’t productive. Revenge, now that was better.

I had 10 more albums to get through. Plenty of fun ahead. A giggle slipped out, and I covered my mouth with my hand. No, I just had to focus on the projects in front of me.

She’s just a friend! Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?

Oooh! Nope! Breathe in. . . breathe out.

My boots! Why did it have to be my boots!

My dog howled in harmony with my maniacal laughter.

Sarah Boucher

One last breath. I closed my eyes, sucked it in, and held the taste of dried flowers and the tang of soap on my tongue. Tears pricked my eyes. The letter crinkled in my fist. I took another stabilizing breath. This time the flat smell of dust coated my mouth. I opened my eyes. Dust motes danced in the light from the nearest window, clung to the wide sill where I once read fairytales, and outlined the squares where mother’s cushions had sat.

Simple, clean, tidy. That’s how Mother had always kept her home. Sorrow rose at the back of my throat. I swallowed it back, but the flavor of tears hit my tongue just the same.

“Pardon me, miss.”

I swiped a hand across my eyes and pressed the letter to my chest. I turned to the boy. “Yes?”

“Everything is packed, miss.”

What little is left, you mean, I wanted to add. “Thank you. I’ll be right there.”

His shoes scuffed against the bare boards as he left.

Bare walls, bare floor. My throat tightened. I squeezed my eyes shut and made a wish. A wish for another family to furnish the home with love.

The scrape of footsteps sounded behind me.  The boy cleared his throat.

I looked him over. He was a waif of a boy with brown hair and plain clothes. None of this was his fault.

I pushed the words out. “Thank you, Johnny. I’m coming.”

I smoothed the wrinkles out of the letter before stowing it in the bodice of my dress. I reached for the bag at my feet, slung it over my shoulder, and stepped away from the life I had always known.

Shandra Burnett

Kim ran to the closet and began stuffing clothes into her backpack. A quick stop in the den for her passport and she was out the door. She almost forgot to lock it. Her brother, Jay, hated finding it unlocked. Of course, she wouldn't be there to hear his lecture. She smiled and almost laughed, but she would miss him. He would hate the way she was running without considering all possibilities and consequences. She saw this her chance to be like a new companion climbing into the TARDIS. Jay would see it as the last act before her mangled body was buried in the woods and “Missing” pictures started going out on milk cartons. Either way she couldn't hang out at home anymore. Just reading about adventures and dreaming about them wasn't enough. Not that anything was wrong with her life. Jay was great to live with and her job at the library gave her easy access to all the books she wanted. She’d been healthy and comfortably well off all her life, but nothing had ever happened. No love stories or heartbreaks. No crises with hard decisions to make. No fortifying leaps of faith. Just calm waters flowing steadily from day to night and back again. She wanted to wake up somewhere new. The sun was setting when she rounded the corner and saw his smiling face. He held the promised airline ticket. Kim took his hand and stepped forward into adventure that was bigger on the inside.

* * * 

As you can see, we excel at different aspects of the writing process. It makes us stronger as a group, especially when it comes to giving helpful feedback. If you're interested, all the ladies can be found on Facebook and half of us are on Twitter as well. Thanks for dropping in, friends!

FYI: Meg is an editor. How cool is that? Also, my submission is the beginning of Book Three (a.k.a. the Rumpelstiltskin retelling). What did you think? If you had your pick, which fairytale would you for me to rewrite?

May is for Micro Shorts

Remember the post There Are Weirdos For Everyone? That's my Writing Group! For May (National Short Story Writing Month) we did Micro Short Stories at (250 words-ish). It was a challenge, but the girls brought forth such a wealth of humor and brilliance as we chatted, swapped stories, and slurped shakes at Johnny Rockets that I thought you'd enjoy their stories too. (If you don't laugh at least once, you haven't been paying attention.)

Denise Tolley

“Sit down, Joe.” Grant Cooper, Allentown’s chief of police, pulled out a rolling desk chair and motioned toward it.

The younger officer who was standing at a stiff backed yet unofficial attention, staring with unfocused eyes out the precinct window, started at the sound of his name and turned his head toward Chief Cooper.

“I can’t sit, sir.” Joe’s words came out in a rough whisper. “If I sit, I might not be able to stand again.”

Joe turned back to the window and resumed his rigid stance.

Chief Cooper let out a frustrated sigh. He walked over to Joe and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Son, you can’t change things. Choices were made that will cause heartache for many good officers for a long time to come.” He gave Joe’s shoulder a squeeze. “C’mon. You can do this. Have a seat.”

Joe took in a deep breath, held it, and then released it slowly.  He turned again and walked with the chief back to the long table that was centered in the room. 

The other officers seated at the table watched him expectantly. Waiting. Waiting for the clock to start again. His throat became tight and dry, even as a single bead of anxious sweat trickled slowly down his hairline. The pressure immense.

Joe dug deep inside himself for the confidence he knew was there.  He could do this.

He sat in his chair and gave a look of encouragement to the others. A nod to the spirit of police competition everywhere.

A bell sounded.

The clock resumed ticking.

It began again.

Within moments Joe emerged victorious and clichéd.

Precinct Donut Eating Champion.

Jo Ann Schneider Stringer

The sound sat somewhere between a thump and a slap. I sat in my chair and tried to ignore it. The glow from my computer screen should have enticed me to finish the project I was working on--either that or check Facebook--but the thlapping kept getting louder.

I coughed and shifted in my seat. This never ended well. Maybe if I kept my eyes forward and looked intent, I wouldn't get dragged into the drama.

Not that I would have a choice.

I grimaced, realizing the cough would draw their attention. They had ears like a mother of four, and the pouncing skills of a hyper kitten.

Thlap. Thlap. The sound slowed. Thlap. I held my breath. I was around the corner, maybe if I didn't move or make a sound, they wouldn't notice me.

“Pick one of the others,” I urged in my mind.

Thlap.

I didn't even dare click my mouse. They could probably hear the laser moving.

Silence reigned behind me. I could practically feel everyone trying to be invisible.

Someone sniffed..

Thlap, thlap, thlap...

I let out the breath I had been holding.

“Hey, Brad, can you help me with something?”

I almost came out of my seat. How had one of them snuck up on me? They all wore flip flops.

I looked down and found Celeste's feet sporting warrior sandals.

Time to install some mirrors. 

Cindy Green

Randall had only gone for a leisurely walk that evening. The purple setting sun filled the sky with a deep green that beckoned to him. Troubles would wait until he returned home. Finding what looked like a ball of bright white light peeking through the branches of a bush hadn’t been on his agenda. In fact, he had no agenda other than to stroll about the neighborhood, but it certainly piqued his curiosity. He moved for a closer look.

His one coherent thought as he found himself falling through the light, which turned out to be a tiny opening between realities, was, “Oh, dear. I think I left the stove on.”

Landing in the new reality was abrupt. Randall had little time to consider his new situation when he was buffeted by strange sights and squealing noises. He trembled at the sound and thought it best to lie still without blinking and hoped it would go away.

Panic filled his frame as a strange, giant creature grasped him by each end and lifted him into the air. Twisting and turning him, it seemed to be examining all sides. Squealing again, he was shaken up and down before being carried to a strange chamber where his torture began.

Forcing open his mouth, the creature squeezed itself into him, encasing his body around its own. The pain was excruciating, causing him to pass out. When he awoke, he discovered he was again being carried and wondered anew at the strange sights.  

A chill passed over Randall when he saw the others. They were trapped on shiny bars, held there by strange devices. Their eyes showed no hope. A sign read, “Micro shorts.”

* * * 

Including six shorts, even at micro mini length, was a little much for one post. The other three are located in the post May's Shorty Short Shorts.  Check them out. At least one will get you laughing! If you're interested, all of us can be found on Facebook and half of us are on Twitter as well.  I hope you enjoyed them! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought. I'll pass it along to the girls!

FYI: Cindy and Denise are sisters. Can you imagine what the family reunions are like? I'm going with hysterical.

The Last Goodbye

In pursuit of more sanity and brains for creative endeavors, I'm leaving my career in public education for a stint in the charter school arena. It has been the best hard work I've ever done, but after ten years, it's time to say goodbye.

Goodbye extreme diversity. 

You've taught me to love children of all colors. You've taught me that children from all walks of life can learn and grow regardless of their background. Truly, some of my greatest success has been with children who spoke no English at all when I met them. It doesn't matter if their parents had little schooling, by working together, we made miracles. I will never forget your beautiful faces or your bright eyes.

 Goodbye fellow teachers. 

You are my friends, my mentors, and my inspiration. Serving in the trenches with you has been a pleasure. You helped me through difficult times with laughter, lots of chocolate, and a few tears. You taught me how to love and serve our children best. I carry with me all your wisdom, devotion, and every last lesson I learned from you. (And no worries, I'll be texting you about all the crazy things that happen in the new school.)

Goodbye unique community. 
Your families have won my heart and your cultural flavor is one of a kind. The warmth with which you welcomed me will never be forgotten. Memories of special celebrations, dedicated parent volunteers, Zumba nights, and Halloween madness will accompany me wherever I go. 

My emotions have been on a roller coaster since I made the decision to submit an application for the new position. And there will definitely be more water works to come. Though I'm pleased to have the opportunity to try a new path, I'm happy to have worked hard and well with students who needed me so desperately. I will not forget my time with them. Ever. What can I say? I love my people.

For more on my Kindergarten Journey, try Adventures in Kindergarten, It's Playtime! or The Start of Something Good. And don't ever let anyone tell you teaching is for those who can't do anything else! 

Thank you all!

Socially Approved Stalking: The Ins & Outs of Followers

When Becoming Beauty was picked up by Cedar Fort, the marketing rep contacted and said, “So, I've noticed you only have 17 followers on Twitter...” He then proceeded to pass on some basic tips to increase my following. Now, I'm rolling past 4000 followers and I couldn't be more grateful for his guidance. Mostly, I'm grateful for slow steady growth and the opportunity to meet some amazing people. 

Let's assume you've already set up an attractive, welcoming, and error free blog/website, and profiles on social media sites. Once that's done, how do you get people to visit it? Welcome to my tips on Socially Approved Stalking!

The numbers game: Followers vs Following and choosing active, engaging people
Follow accounts that are about equal in Followers vs Following. Generally, those who follow few and have an overwhelming number of followers aren't interested in helping others. Next, check how regularly they post and what type of content they post. I always do a quick scan to see if they retweet and/or engage with others. If they don't, they won't change their game plan, no matter how amazing, witty, thoughtful, and moving your posts are. Make sense?

How do you discover people to followers? 
Hashtag city, baby! Searching hashtags is a fabulous way to discover like minded individuals. I use the  following hashtags to find new readers and writers to follow, but I discover more all the time:

#avidreader
#booklover
#IARTG
#booknerd
#bookworm
#amreading

Searching keywords like writer, author, and indie is another great way to connect with new people. My favorite source for generous followers are the weekly hashtag parties like #MondayBlogs, #ArchiveDay, #wwwblogs, and #SundayBlogShare. Granted, you must participate by posting fresh content regularly on your website/blog, using the hashtag, and sharing others' blog post links. They take time, but hashtag parties provide great exposure.

Personal Preferences
There are some accounts I won't follow. This includes anyone with obscenities in their profile or anyone who claims to be a writer or author but has grammatical or spelling errors in their profile. It's unprofessional and it tells me that your book/website will also be riddled with them. I also avoid anyone selling followers (since they are only interested in interacting with my money) and any account with uninteresting or obnoxious profiles (offensive picture, no picture, no description, or a description that sounds stupid or boring to me). FYI it's okay if you don't follow everyone back, if they like you, they'll stick around and engage with you and show you that they're worth following. I was totally that girl!

How do you keep followers?
I've pulled the Ms. Etiquette card before, but here's the recap: Engage with people! Be genuine and generous. Use your manners. If you can't say it in kindergarten, maybe you shouldn't say it online. And measure twice, cut once from high school wood shop can be reinterpreted as think it through and check it twice before you post. Keep it professional.

Finding unfollowers
I allow people a decent amount of time between following them and unfollowing if they haven't responded (i.e. engaged in the ever so polite Follow Back). Unless someone posts something truly offensive or obnoxious, I don't unfollow them if we're following each other. CrowdFire helps me track unfollowers and nonfollowers on Twitter and Instagram. It's free and just had a massive update so that it now provides even more information for its users. But, if you don't love it, there are plenty of other apps that will give you the same type of information. 

Will people be offended if I unfollow them?
If they're not following you or they post uninteresting or obnoxious things, why should you care? Drop the dead weight! And please, feel free to take whatever action you feel is appropriate (blocking, etc.). I regularly go through my list of followers and weed out the those who unfollow or never followed back. It's how the system works and increases your growth.

Like everything, you get out of it what you put into it. I'm a full time teacher, so I do what I can when I can and it works! For guidelines on following, friending, and trending on Instagram and Facebook, the lovely Raylynn Sleight has agreed to do a sister post. Please feel free to leave me a comment about any tips or big no-nos you've discovered. Thanks for reading!

Expect the Unexpected

Because that makes sense. It's about as enlightening as What goes up must come down. Oh yeah, Sherlock, are you sure about that? How about Until you learn to master your rage, your rage will become your master. 

The problem is that the unexpected isn't something you can anticipate. Because, after all, it's unexpected. (Can you tell I spend most of my life with five-year-olds?) What you can do is keep the freak-outs to a minimum, keep your support group on call, and keep a stash of homey comforts on hand (chocolates, softy blankies, burly firemen, and the like).

Awesome things are coming my way. And yours. I don't know about you, but I can't wait! And I really can't wait to share them with you...but in the meantime, this is my game plan:

Stay involved in amazing projects: I have several back burner projects I can whip out at any time. Focusing on them, even just for an evening, gets my creative juices flowing. (And some of them have nothing to do with writing!)

Stick with amazing people: I will forever be grateful to my friends and family. When anything goes sideways, or hey, even when it's awesome, they're there for me. We celebrate. We commiserate. We go bowling. We watch chick flicks. It's all good.

Participate in something inspiring: If it's church and gospel study or inspirational memes on Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram, I try to find something inspiring and uplifting every day. And share it with someone else. Nothing recharges the batteries like pondering something good and sharing it with someone else.

Get plenty of rest: Mental health and acuity are more tied to physical health than we realize. So, why am I still awake writing this? I have no idea. But the plan is to rest. (Sometimes my body has a plan of it's own...but there's always Tylenol PM.)

Read/watch something fabulous: We call this research, but as often as not, taking a stroll down a different path freshens our minds and gets the creativity percolating. And plus, we just really like 5 hours of Downton at a time. (Not even kidding. And not even sorry.)

Do something you love (even if it's only for 5 minutes): Getting stuck in a loop where worry and nerves affect your emotional well being isn't fun. Even if it's five minutes of breathing and out and resisting the urge to hide under the table and/or throw things, it can help you move on instead of having a massive freak out. (Dancing in the kitchen while making brownies is a personal favorite.)

What do you do to keep yourself from crossing over into the bad place? (Or getting out of the bad place instead of taking up residence there?) Leave me a comment! I'd love to hear what you have about your coping strategies. And stay tuned, news is forthcoming (the next couple of weeks will be fun).

Like to read more? Here's are a few more posts about my crazy life and how I cope with everything life throws at me. (Man, it's been a tough year!) Ready or Not, Author Envy, Panic City, Population 1.

The Start of Something Good

Teaching young children is like growing a garden, you get to see everything from sobbing and knowing nothing on the first day of school to the development of competent readers and writers who vow they'll miss you forever on the last day of school.

One of my--ahem--cherubs was just such a girl.  I had educated her older two sisters, who were both bright and willing to help, and I expected much of the same. What actually happened took me by surprise. I've crafted a short story to give you the basics of her first day of kindergarten:

          I glared at the airplane thingy stuck on the front of the school.  

          Nope. 

          There was no way I was going under that thing or through those big glass doors, no matter what was behind them.  My sisters, after saying hello to everyone, had already gone in, but I wasn't going to follow. No matter what they'd told me about school, I just wanted to be home.

          “Come along, m’hija,” Mom said quietly, her warm hand tugging mine. "It's time for school. Your teacher will be waiting." 

          I fixed my big brown eyes on her. It didn't matter that I was only five. I already knew what my big eyes could do. You'd see. She'd cave in a minute, and then it would be home, my favorite cereal, and cartoons galore.

          Mom didn't look convinced. She raised her eyebrows and gave me the Mommy Look instead.

          Usually, being the smallest in the family means I do what I want. Today, being the smallest meant that if she towed me where I didn't want to go, I had no choice but to follow.

          We passed through the big glass doors and were swallowed up by too much noise and too many long legs. A few kids peeking through their parents legs like me, but most of them hurried off and left their parents behind.  I could never do that.

          A wall of windows, the sun glaring through them, stretched in front of us. Between the brightness, the noise, and all the people, it was too much.  I tried to hide behind mom, but she didn't give me the chance. To both sides branched wide, white hallways, like at the hospital.  My stomach felt funny just thinking about it. When Ana had gotten hurt, we'd all gone to the hospital. 

          I hated it. 

          Remembering she'd gotten hurt at school, I tried to dig my heels in, but the floor was too slippery. Mom didn't seem to be bothered by any of it.  Ignoring everything, she led me down one of the hallways.  More glass doors stood at the end of the hall. Had I won? Looking at the doors, my insides felt less funny. Home, cereal, and cartoons, here I come!

          Right before we got there, mom turned again and I lost sight of the way out and forgot about cartoons for a second. In front of me were kids my size with Dora, Barbie, and Sponge Bob backpacks strapped to their backs. I wanted a closer look at them, but not if it meant staying at school. 

          Parents helped kids put their things away, took pictures, and shelled out kisses and hugs. Were they all leaving? Would my mom leave? I dug in my heels the best I could. I wasn't going any further. The only place I was going was home.

          Mom turned to me and crouched down so she was looking right in my eyes and said in her softest voice, “You're going to be fine. Your sisters loved kindergarten.”

I didn't believe her, but I didn't have time to think about it because that's when she got there.  I'd seen her before.

          “Good morning, Mari. How are you?” she asked. Unlike mom's, her voice was loud. And how did she know my name? 

          “Are you ready for kindergarten?” Her smile—like the rest of her—was too big. She was even bigger than daddy.

          Tears splashed down my cheeks. Mom was going to leave me with this big lady! I flung my arms around my mom. She wasn't leaving without me.

          Her big brown eyes were sad as she peeled me off and passed me to the big lady. The big lady's hand went to my back as she steered me to a room full of bright colors and strange girls and boys. I glanced back at mom, trying to decide if I could make it back to her.  She smiled a little smile at me.

          Just then the big lady crouched down to whisper in my ear, “You know, Mari, there are so many fun things waiting for you. And I already know we're going to be good friends.”

          Her warm hand on my back and her words still in my ears, something inside me grew less scared. I looked back at mom one more time, and taking a deep breath, I stepped into the classroom.

 * * * * *

I'd like to say it was that easy.  In reality, the little friend in question spent the better part of the first month of school sobbing and refusing to eat breakfast for the first 20 minutes of every day. However, in the end she became one of my greatest success stories.  Not only does she read and write beautifully, but she is confident and happy at school and simply adores me.  (That last part probably isn't important from an educational standpoint, but I really did tell her we were going to be best friends, because even with all those tear, I had that feeling from the get-go.)

For more of my adventures in kindergarten, read Closing Time and Run, Forrest, RUN! And if you ever need a slice of sunshine, feel free to volunteer at your local elementary school.  Seriously, little people are the most gracious and welcoming individuals I know.