Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Making of a Woman

Misconceptions about womanhood are played out in books and on the big and small screen all the time.  To believe that emphasizing the attractiveness of a woman's face or the firmness of her thighs will have no effect on how men view women or how young women see themselves is a lie.

Writers who perpetuate such misconceptions do a disservice to womankind.

Lately, I've been editing my version of The Twelve Dancing Princesses featuring a dozen distinct female characters. The journey from character sketch to final scene taught me a great deal about what makes a woman.

Let me tell you, it ain't those size 0 jeans. (Especially if the lady in question happens to be fond of chocolate. Or human.)

And it certainly isn't a blemish-free face. We earned those wrinkles with years of laughter and tears, didn't we? 
Could it be the sweet, patient woman who holds her tongue when perturbed? Perhaps.

But it could just as easily be the sharp-tongued lass who gives as good as she gets.

Might it be the glowing wit that leaves a room rolling with laughter? Maybe.

But it might also be she who delivers speeches that inspire, uplift, and move a room to tears and brave acts.

Being a woman may include a heart worn on a sleeve for all to see and abuse. It may include a tough skin built to guard a soft heart from hurt.

True womanhood encompasses a number of human foibles, mistakes and missteps that make a character human, lovable, and more understanding of others.
The women featured in literature should be a reflection of the mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and wonderful aunties in our lives. Good, bad, interesting, bland. Real. And more than a pretty face and an itty bitty dress size or a big bottom and a penchant for donuts.

Because that doesn't define us.

Real women are driven by love, pain, anger, jealousy, protectiveness, loyalty, and a myriad of other things. Shouldn't they have a place in literature? Shouldn't they have a chance to shape the way men think about us or what young women learn to value in themselves?

The more complex, intriguing woman I transform from  fairytales princesses who suck up the abuse only to become trophy wivee into complex, intriguing women, the better I feel. Isn't it time to stand up for real women with saddle bags, rings under their eyes, and no energy? Isn't it time to celebrate motherhood and dirty diapers and potty training? Isn't it time to celebrate women who work their butts off to make a difference in the world?
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Thanks for dropping by! Feel free to leave me a comment and share your tips on crafting female characters. And if you'd love to read more about writing awesome heroes, peruse away!
Develop Sassy Heroes by Being One
Barbie's Dream Boat
Classic Heroines: Anne of Green Gables
The Power of Fairytales
Fairytales & Fancy Footwear
Diva Depressed
Funny Girls: Hostile Makeover



Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Humor & Inspiration in Writing: Prairie Wife in Heels

@PrairieHeels
Those shoes though...
Perhaps you haven't noticed my love of shoes. Maybe you've missed/ignored my many shoe selfies. (Suuuure.) Anyway, Cathy (AKA Prairie Wife in Heels) was one of the first people I connected with on Twitter, and I instantly thought, I like you! (See her profile pic on the left.)

Seriously, what's not to love? She's a city girl turned country girl with a shoe obsession. I tell you, Cathy, I can relate. 

Cathy (along with other life-minded cowgirls) writes a blog to inspire and uplift women. So when she asked if she could be a part of the Humor & Inspiration features, I was more than thrilled to pass her the mic. Take it away, mama!
* * *
The Idyllic Country Family
When most people think of the Wyoming Prairie they imagine deep blue sky as far as the eye can see, wide open grasslands, and fragrant sage brush gently rocking in the wind. Cowboys herding cows, galloping horses, and women in long skirts. Perhaps they even imagine a few children cheerfully tagging along waving sticks and singing…From a distance my “homestead” does look like this but, the closer you get the more the idyllic scene above is proven wrong.
Cowboy and Cowboy-in-training
More often than not the sage brush and grass is being blown sideways by 30mph winds and while we have four horses and mini mule, they are kept in a corral and not able to roam free. My Cowboy can be found herding one of our five children rather than cows. Long skirts have been replaced with sweats. I do constantly have children tagging along after me but, cheerful isn’t the word I would use to describe their typical attitude.
Offspring. Definitely not cheerful.
I have always enjoyed writing but, with the birth of my first child and the next two years of being a working mother, I found other ways to spend my few precious moments of free time (sleeping). Then my husband got a new job which resulted in a move 30 miles outside of town.

As a city girl known for her love of high heels, the move to the Prairie offered many new experiences. My Wyoming life as a Prairie Wife was so unusual to all my friends back home, that I found myself being asked to share the same stories repeatedly. Those who knew me growing up, found it hard to imagine me shooting raccoons out my bedroom window in the middle of the night. 
Who's chasing who? Go, mama!
My herd of children offered many varied parenting experiences, and my local friends were often handing out my number to their acquaintances so I could answer parenting and nursing** questions.
Eventually, I began my blog PrairieWifeInHeels.com to share my stories with a wider audience and offer support to other women. I knew that having a blog would force me to take the time for myself and write. Finding opportunities to sit and write amidst the chaos of my life was overwhelming at first…but with true prairie wife grit and grace I kept at it. Soon, I began to notice that regularly taking time to blog was enriching my life in unexpected ways.

Writing has enabled me to reflect and grow. Feeding horses in -20 degree weather, in a foot of snow, nine months pregnant wasn’t funny at the time. But, I knew it would eventually make one hell of a blog post.

The connections I’ve made through our monthly interviews and social media has shown me that everyone has a story that we can learn from. What started as a way to take a few moments to myself, and perhaps help a few other women get through a rough day, has instead resulted in motivating me to be a better woman, wife, and mother.
* * *
Cathy AKA Prairie Wife in Heels
Carry on, funny mountain mama! 
For more, connect with Cathy online.
Twitter
Pinterest
Facebook
Prairie Wife in Heels website

And for more inspiration, read the first Humor & Inspiration post, No, I Won't Write Your Memoir featuring Lydia Thomas. 

If you're a blogger, writer, or author and you'd like to be featured in the Humor & Inspirations posts, leave a comment below. 
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**The following, from Letter to the Grouchy Lady in Church shows Cathy's unique sense of humor. Apparently, after the little ones had jostled the Grouchy Lady coming and going, tossed their toys and mourned their loss, baby demanded lunch. 

“It is clear to me...that despite covering up with a blanket to nurse LittleMissH, I obviously offended your sensibilities. I of course refrained from pointing out that your breasts were only covered up by a piece of fabric as well. Though I will admit that your polyester black blazer offered a touch more coverage than my blanket. I have never prayed for a blanket to stay in place, or the baby to stay silent and not cry or burp before, how wonderful to have that experience while at church! Never before has the sound of a baby farting made me break into a cold sweat but I can attest to the fact that Secret Clinical Strength deodorant does work to hide stress sweat smell.

Snicker! As always, thanks for dropping by, friends. By the way, you can read all the Humor & Inspiration features below:



Sunday, July 5, 2015

What Doesn't Kill You

Okay, usually I'm not a whiny pants. I usually suck it up and try to get on with my life. My mother has always lived with the mantra: 
Seriously. But occasionally life sends you a curve ball and you either make time for it or you get smacked in the head and risk brain damage.

Anyway, I'm the kind of girl who thinks everything is all right. Except when I spend the better part of two years feeling like I'm suffering from a nasty cold. Doesn't make a girl feel like a princess when she's always honking her hooter or sneezing so loud that small children are terrified. Not cool. When the problems persisted, I finally spoke up. Like all my friends, the doctor said, "Sounds like allergies." 900 injections later it turns out that I am allergic to trees, weeds, grass, mold, and dust. Awesome.

Also, I spoke up about the numbness in my hands. And Ta-Da! After another horrible test, I was diagnosed with severe Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Even better. However, my wonderful massage therapist has been working with me to minimize the damage until I can receive surgery in the next couple of weeks.

As obnoxious as it is to find out that you're allergic to your life and that your craft is in jeopardy, it's better to find out that you can recover from it. No matter whether your passion is writing, art, mommying, or anything else, you will be more effective if you take time for yourself and your health.

These are my top To-Dos:

  • Drink water. Keep your brain and body hydrated or they don't work as well as they should.
  • Exercise. Even if it's something low impact like walking around the block. Or chasing your kids around the park. (And hey, my pool is open all summer. Come on over.)
  • Visit the doctor regularly. Ask questions about anything out of the ordinary. (Believe me, finding out that you have 20 allergies and carpal tunnel in the same two week period isn't fun. It's better to investigate things before they become serious.)
  • Search out holistic remedies. They're typically cheaper and more comfortable than traditional medicine. So why not?
  • Play. You may not think it's important, but your brain needs time to unwind too. I am at my most creative when I take time for myself. Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it certainly doesn't hurt!

What do you do to protect your health? I'd love to know. Leave me a comment! Meanwhile, I'll be all allergy-drugged-up and chilling at the pool! Enjoy!

Also. my Happy Birthday Giveaway is still going on. Enter to win a signed copy of Becoming Beauty or an Amazon Gift Card. Good luck!

Monday, December 22, 2014

Christmas Miracle--Part III

Ta-da! The finale! Will they or won't they? Has Lydia's holiday luck run out? Seriously, those two monstrous boys are capable of anything...
The Christmas Miracle of Lydia Perkins
Part 3

The boys were glued to The Grinch, giving Lydia exactly 104 minutes of semi-uninterrupted Me-Time. Typically those precious moments were spent cleaning, cooking, and caring for their home. Today Lydia was determined to spend them all on girlie primping. Locking the bathroom door to deter intruders, she proceeded to scrub every bit of her skin with perfumed soap and let the warm water rinse away the mommy stink. Today she would be a real girl, not the mommy-being with food stains on her clothes and her pockets full of Legos, miniature cars, and snot rags. 
She stepped into her closet, passing the piles of pajama pants and cozy T-shirts she preferred to the items in the back. She located a red sequined top with cap sleeves and a swooping neckline. She slipped it on, pleased to note that the fabric didn’t cling uncomfortably, but still accentuated her curves. Now for the pants. Happily, she had never succumbed to the universally unflattering mother jeans (those light-colored, high-waisted jeans that made everyone’s behind look enormous). Please let them fit! she mentally pleaded as she pulled on some wide-leg, dark-wash jeans with embellished back pockets.They were a bit snug, but still fit. Reaching past the endless line of Sketchers and fluffy slippers, she found a pair of sassy black boots with slim heels and slid them on. Glancing in the mirror, she was gratified to see the leggy woman she remembered staring back at her. Perhaps she'd hadn't had all the accompanying jiggly bits, but a girl couldn’t have everything.
Stepping back into the bathroom, she blow-dried her hair and popped in hot rollers. Carefully, she applied make-up, reaching for the seldom used eye-shadow, blush, and lip gloss in addition to the customary mascara she wore. She removed the rollers and tousled the auburn curls before pinning up the front and pulling a few out to spill around her face. Dangly cut-glass earrings completed the look. Finally finished, she gazed at her reflection. A real woman stared back at her, someone unconcerned with the worries of paying the bills, living on a budget, or foregoing fun in favor of providing for two unruly boys. She smiled at her gray-eyed reflection, glad to see that woman after so many years.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Apparently her 104 minutes were at an end. Sighing, she opened the door to ensure her offspring hadn’t maimed one another.

Mason arrived promptly at six. Lydia had rushed the boys through dinner and bundled them into warm coats and hats just in time. Though it had been unseasonably warm lately, the wind had picked up, resulting in a nasty chill in the air. Lydia reached for her long black coat and topped it with a bright red scarf, as she greeted him with a smile.
The boys were jumping around as usual, vying for Mason’s attention. He smiled down at them, asking about what they’d done that day.
“We got to watch The Grinch!”
“And we got you a present!”
They attempted to run one another over racing to the tree to retrieve the package.
“Thank you,” Mason said, inspecting the oddly wrapped gift, held together with too much tape.
“We wrapped it ourselves!” they exclaimed in unison. His eyes twinkled as he met Lydia’s gaze. Lydia just shrugged and smiled.
“Should I open it?” Mason asked. 
He was answered with a chorus of yeses and Jimmy blurting out, “You need it for tonight!  It’s a…” before Tommy smacked a hand over his mouth to muffle the last word. 
Mason ignored the ensuing scuffle and worked past the first layer of Scotch tape. The boys finally paused in the middle of their melee to watch Mason pull out a khaki green and blue checked scarf.  “Thank you, boys,” he said as he wrapped it around his neck. “It’s perfect for tonight.” The boys pelted him with hugs as he patted them on the back. 
When he disentangled himself, he turned to Lydia, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek and whisper, “Thank you,” in her ear, and, “By the way, you look gorgeous.” Lydia, slightly flustered by the nearness of him, had her wits about her enough to notice that the scarf brought out the green in his eyes. She had thought they were hazel before, but no, they were that bold green she’d only seen a couple of times in her life.
“Ready?” Mason asked them all. The boys shrieked in delight, running to the kitchen for the wrapped goody plates, Lydia hollering after them to be careful. 
“We can take my truck,” Mason offered as they made their way out the door. “It’s all warmed up.”
Lydia glanced at the sleek silver truck parked by the curb, “Are you sure?” she asked. “They’re likely to get something on the seats. You can never tell what exactly, but it’s sure to be sticky.”
Mason grinned as he lifted the boys into the back seat. “It’ll be fine,” he assured her. 
After the boys were safely buckled in, he opened the door for Lydia. She’d just been wondering how she’d could get into a truck in high-heeled boots when she felt his hand settle reassuringly on the small of her back. Gratefully, she stepped up and with a boost from Mason was soon tucked safely into the cab. 

The evening passed in a series of stops at neighbors’ homes, each consisting of the delivery of goodies (the boys arguing over whose turn it was to carry them), an exuberant rendition of Rudolph or Jingle Bells (more arguing about which to sing), the swapping of holiday well-wishes with the neighbors, and belted out versions of We Wish You a Merry Christmas as they made their way back to the warm truck. Lydia tried to ignore the interested looks with which her neighbors greeted Mason. She should have expected it, she supposed. They all knew her situation, and to show up unannounced with an attractive man in tow was asking for the gossip mill to begin grinding. She knew there would be countless inquiries about him later, but for now she tried to enjoy the novelty of spending Christmas Eve with someone pleasant. Having someone beside her as she carted the boys around the neighborhood, cheerfully joining in on the singing, and taking every opportunity to put his arm around her shoulders or waist when they weren’t separated by small wiggly bodies, was extremely pleasant. It almost felt like a date. Albeit a mommy date with two rambunctious boys as chaperons.
They delivered the last of the treats, sang a final Jingle Bells (Lydia thought she could go a whole year without hearing it again), and piled back into the truck.  
When they reached the house, Mason helped her out of the truck as he had done all night, insisting on opening her door and offering her his hand. She took it and kept her fingers wrapped around his even after she was safely on the ground. She smiled up into his green eyes and said, “Thank you for coming. It’s been a lovely evening.”
“My pleasure,” he said, smiling back at her as they walked to the porch hand-in-hand.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked when they reached the door.
“I’d love to, but I should probably go. I’ve got a bit of last minute shopping to do.”
She was about to say it was all right, that he’s already spent the better part of Christmas Eve with them, when a tussle from inside drew her attention. The boys had raced past them into the house, and as usual, were already fighting over something. She slipped past Mason to intervene before someone got hurt. She placed a hand on each boy’s shoulder, quickly separating them. They were still glaring at one another, when Jimmy--with his customary inability to focus on anything long enough to remain upset--looked up and said, “Look, Mommy, mistletoe!”
It had been Tommy who had insisted on the mistletoe. Lydia hadn’t hung it up for years, wondering what use they’d get out of it. But Tommy had heard about it in school, and when he’d found the sprig nestled in the bottom of one of the Christmas bins, had pleaded for her to pin it up.  Since then, the boys had been fascinated by it, stopping underneath it periodically and refusing to move until they were soundly smooched.  It was really kind of adorable.
“What’s going on?” Mason said, as he stepped up behind them.
“Oh,” Lydia said, pointing toward the greenery hanging above them, “Mistletoe.” With that, she grabbed one boy with each arm, loudly kissing them on the cheeks while Mason chuckled. The giggling boys returned her kisses tenfold, covering her face with smacky smooches.
“Can we open a present?” Tommy asked, shining-eyed, as Jimmy jumped up and down in anticipation.
“Just one,” she said, as they scampered off to the tree. “A little one!” she called after them. Mason remained by her side, watching the boys rattle the packages in search of the perfect one. 
It was Jimmy who looked up, smiled his disarming missing-teeth smile and called out once again, “Mommy! Mistletoe!”
She and Mason both looked up to see the mistletoe hanging above them. “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the boys chanted while Lydia's cheeks burned.
Mason’s eyes crinkled at the corners as a cockeyed grin lit his face. “Let’s show them how this is done,” he said. Something snagged at the edge of Lydia’s memory, but she was unable to catch it as he deftly dipped her and covered her mouth with his. Her dream blossomed in her mind, and just as she had done then, she deepened the kiss. Sweet and passionate all at once, and just as had happened in her dream, she felt reality fall away until only the two of them remained, locked in one another’s  arms.
“J.M…” she murmured against his lips, amazed that she’d even remembered the name of the boy she’d shared the stage with so long ago, and then instantly mortified that she should utter it while kissing another man. Her eyes fluttered open to see two wide green eyes staring down at her. He lifted her to her feet. Flustered, she said quickly, “Oh, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean…”
She expected him to be angry. She didn’t expect him to say, “No one’s called me that for a long time.”
“What?” 
“I said no one’s called me that in a long time. Since high school at least.”
Lydia braced herself against the wall, trying to keep her knees from buckling as everything clicked into place. The green eyes, the hair, darkened to a deep blonde, and that smile. She knew she’d recognized it. “You?” she asked, incredulous.
“I thought you remembered,” he said. “I certainly did, the first time you came to your door. I wondered why I’d been such an idiot to let you slip through my fingers all those years ago. Life just gives you another chance sometimes, I guess.” He smiled at her, reaching to brush an errant curl out of her eyes.
Still shocked, Lydia could only stare back at him.
At this point the boys rushed over, oblivious of what they were interrupting, and begged Mason to come look at their gifts. They grabbed his hands and pulled him toward the couch. Mason tossed an amused grin over his shoulder as he allowed himself to be dragged off.
Lydia leaned against the wall, taking in the scene. Her boys were scrambling excitedly onto Mason’s lap to show him their newly opened toys, and Mason was looking on with just as much youthful excitement in his eyes. The lines between past and present blurred for a moment. The tangy aroma of pine heavy in the air, mingled with the ever-present holiday spices, bringing to mind Christmases from long ago layered with recent holidays with the boys. From outside she heard the faint tinkling of far off bells, reminding her of yesteryear's sleigh rides and today's exuberant Jingle Bells renditions. Above her hung the sprig of mistletoe, as it always had in her childhood home, a bright spot of color in the middle of winter. 
The joy and hope of Christmas, something she thought she would never feel again, entered her heart. It was the reason she labored so hard this time of year, to try to recapture the peace and joy of the season. And as Mason glanced over his shoulder at her, his face alight with a happiness so familiar and yet so new, she knew that something precious had been restored to her.
It was her own little Christmas miracle.
* * *
Thanks so much for reading! I really enjoyed crafting this story and I'd love to hear with you think. Leave me a comment!

Here are the earlier posts of The Christmas Miracle of Lydia Perkins: Part I, Part II. Happy holidays, my dears. May all you wishes come true...or at least you get to sleep in and watch Netflix once.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Paper Dolls & Cotton Castles

Paper dolls of various sizes litter the dining room table. Round, fat tummies, cotton-candy hair, extra big eyes, and cheerful grins.  Trace them, she taught me, trace them to make the clothes. I hold a pencil in one had and a handful of markers in the other. I remember to add tiny rectangular tabs to the shoulders and waists to affix the dresses, top, and pants to the dolls. 

With a little bit of effort, you can make your own fun.
I've never suspected that she's to blame for my clothes fetish, but perhaps she is.

The day-to-day clothes I wore as a teenager certainly didn't inspire my love for clothing. We did our best with six kids and a single income, but that meant we thrifted before thrifting was the thing. She did have a gift for sewing new items out of practically anything.  She fashioned dresses, tops, and skirts and loved doing it. Through high school, all my cute dresses were made by her hands on a treadle-run machine no one else could work. The rhythmic clickety-clack across cream lace, blue and white taffeta, and forest green sheers became the background music of our home life.  

Beauty can be made even if money is scarce.
We were green before green was the thing too. T-shaped posts supported three laundry lines, too many clothespins to count, and clothes and bedding for a family of eight. I remember weaving in and out of the sheets, feeling like a princess in a cotton-walled castle with a blue sky roof. 

There were chats over piles of laundry while we folded. Fold, chat, fold, chat. Momma's little helper. She always said the work went faster when you had someone to talk to, and as usual, she was right.

Work is light when everyone takes a part. 
That's my mom. 

She's a bestower of good advice, a woman the neighbors call angelic, a housekeeper who has always preferred to be hands deep in dirt rather than cleaning indoors, a gifted artist who keeps her talents a secret, a wife who has made it work with her sweetheart for nearly 50 years, a mom who takes twenty minutes to say goodbye because there's always one more thing to say and one more hug and kiss to give. 

She is and always will be my biggest fan.

Thanks, mom! Happy 72 years of being amazing!