Wednesday, January 6, 2016

The Achievable Resolutions

I tire of the high and lofty goals of January 1 which are forgotten more quickly than the stash of holiday candy you keep hiding from yourself.
Let's be honest, eh? We're going to do the best that we can. Maybe we're plumpy and addicted to chocolate. (Guilty.) Maybe we prefer racy television programs to intellectually stimulating literature. (So guilty!) Maybe we long for laughter and stupid humor more than adult conversation. (Stop now! For the love of...!)
Anyway, you get the picture. I rarely make New Years Resolutions because I don't enjoy disappointing myself. That being the case, I've penned the Achievable Resolutions for individuals like me who love marking items off a list but can't handle more than surviving the day.

The Achievable Resolutions

  • Change into pajamas after returning home from work. Who cares if it's 4:30?
  • Determine whether Oreos really are milk's favorite cookie. (Be prepared to invest the requisite time/calories in this experiment. By the way, the peanut butter ones are nice!)
  • Binge watch an entire season (of whatever you feel like) on Netflix. (Keep copious amounts of snacks within reach just in case.)
  • Visit Walmart in your pajamas. (Really, you'll fit right in.)
  • Rather than hitting the gym, hit the spa for a pedicure. (Priorities, people!)
  • Weep, laugh, and rage over amazing (fiction) books. (This is called research.) Throw them against the wall and/or put them in timeout as needed.
  • Buy pretty shoes, handbags, and accessories for no reason. (Enough is never enough. Plus you don't have that color yet...)
  • Whine about work on Mondays. Count the days until Saturday. Complain that weekends are too short on Sunday. Repeat.
  • Develop meaningful relationships with men. I recommend the nurturing duo Ben and Jerry.
  • Discover how long a human can go without bowing to society's demand for basic hygiene. (Eventually your hair either turns into rope or falls out, right? No big deal.)
You're welcome! Carry on, my darlings! Just like you, I'll be doing the best I can. If you'd like to add your own achievable resolution, I'd love to hear it. Leave me a comment.


  1. -Go more consecutive days in a row without showering than I ever have before. I think the final number got up to 5. I'm positive I can reach 6.

    1. I just snorted out loud. That would certainly make my list if my hair didn't look like a rat's nest after sleeping on it. Carry on, friend! Lots of love to you sis!

  2. Now, the tip about the peanut butter oreos is gold! I keep looking at them and wondering... :)
    Love the resolutions, especially pjs immediately after work. PJs also on the days I work exclusively from the home office. Happy New Year!

    1. I do envy the work at home thing. But at least I've discovered soft leggings, which under slacks or skirts, is leaked wearing PJs. Oreo on!